Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
