it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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