I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
