Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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