3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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