does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
