So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
