omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
