I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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