Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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