it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My vagina is officially offended.
I am naked and annoyed.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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