We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
