I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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