my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
