Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
