I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
