He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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