i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
