Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
