The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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