I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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