just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
