Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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