I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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