She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
