The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
