i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
