Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
