Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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