i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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