An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
