hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
