i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
