Tell her she can't have a vagina
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
