I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
