I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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