Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
