Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
