Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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