I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
