their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
