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Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And the cops told us we were all naked.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
