I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
