i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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