I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
