Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just pee around me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
