But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
