Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
