i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
