New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
