I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
