do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
