I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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