Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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